Sobriety Day 20

It's been a whirlwind of emotions, meetings, and long days. So much to write and so little comprehension on how to put it into writing.

Being sober is trippy. Like, I took a year off of pot before, but I drank whiskey like a mother fucker. This is 20 days dry, smoke free, and hallucinogenic free. I've been to several meetings, maybe not as many as I should. In fact - I just looked up some AA meetings but the damn website aint working. Writing will be my meeting tonight.

I've shared at a few meetings, well pretty much every meeting I've been too in the past 2 weeks. I even led a meeting - which basically consists of reading the piece of paper they hand you. But everyone makes eye contact with you.

I need a sponsor. I need to start working the steps. I see a long road ahead of me. I mean, really? I can't drink? Is can't the right word? I won't drink?

Maybe I should start a public, anonymous blog. Something that is public, but no one knows it's me. Jesus, I can't write. I've mispelled every other word. I even mis-spelled mis-eplled. WTF?!

I haven't really been around weed. I don't really have the urge to get high. I don't even know how I would act, or what I would do. I'd probably just sit around hating myself inside of my own head. But I'd hafta go behind my wife's back and lie to her - which I haven't done since I stopped smoking. Hell - I even admit I flirt with bartenders. Ha. Guess that won't be happening now.

Music sounds gooooood. I haven't heard music like this in a while. I feel like I could write music.

There's so much I want to do, but so little time. I'm so tired after my kids are in bed, and after I spend time with my wife to do much. I want to paint, I want to play guitar, I want to record an album, I want to play video games, I want to focus on my business. I want to start a new blog - to watch movies - to mediate.

I think it's going to be harder to not drink. Really? I can't drink ever again? I mean - I understand it, I guess... sort of. If I drink, get drunk, los ambitions, I may smoke weed. And if I have a hit of weed it's all gone. All 20 days, plus 4 years of marriage down the drain. Who would give me a hit of weed? I'm sure I could find it at a party - but fuuuuckkk I would get so high there's no way I could hide it. And I don't want to hide anything. So ok - don't drink. Even if I'm in my own home though? And there is no weed? And only a glass of wine at dinner? But really? Would it really only be a glass? I mean - there would be a whole 'nother bottle. And there's a shit ton of bottles 3 blocks down the street at the liquor store. To cure the disease, never let the culprit into you body. At all.

Fuck.

A nice cold beer sounded great today in the heat. Or a sparkling glass of cold champagne.

I think I'm mourning the loss of my usage. As much as I don't want to smoke or drink it's like I lost a friend. 

To The Bloggers...

How do you do it? What is the trick? WHY are you blogging?

I have to remind myself that the original goal when Stacey went back to work a second time was to blog consistently in order to create enough material for a book. I feel I am in a unique position to be staying at home with my babes. Not that it's uncommon for fathers to be staying at home with their kids these days, but I have enough talent to write good, (*wink*) and take photos, I might as well use this experience to help others.

But blogging plaques me. It always has, and it always will. It plaques me like Facebook and Google + plaque me. I love it, and I hate it. I'm totally into it, and then I'm not.

Forgive me while I question my sanity for a second...

Why would I want to share with the world what's going on in my life? The whole world isn't watching.
Why do I want to be consistant and blog every day? There's no need! Blog as often or as little as you want, it's not your job.
Do I just blog to blog or is there real meaning behind it? This is almost a journal, one my children and I can look back on and reflect about the good times.
Can I be real? As real as I want to be.
Who's reading? Who cares?

I'm not going to get rid of the blog. I'm still going to post on Facebook, Twitter and Google+ for now. Each avenue is a different platform to express myself. As often as I want to move to the country, sell my phone and shoot with film and develop in a darkroom, I'm still plugged in. In today's world you should be. At least a little bit.

It always comes back to what my wife preaches on a daily basis ... balance. Just like everything I can not let social media consume my life. It is a part of it. It can ENHANCE my life, but it should not be my life.

That's all. :)

-marc

New Blogger Layouts are AWESOME

Whew! I was worried about what I was going to blog today. It's already 4pm and I haven't a blogged a word! I know you all are getting ansey, looking at your clock or your RSS feed wondering where I am.

"What is he doing? It's not like he has a business to run or kids to take care of..." 

Well, I am saving my post about bad words for a day other than the day after the epic birthday blog so today's post will hafta be just a little bit nerdy and techy. I was strolling through Google + trying to gather some inspiration when I saw Blogger Buzz's Blog had announced new layouts for Blogger!  Now remember, I've been using this blogging system for years (more than 5!) and this change is super exciting. I think it's a slow way to merge into Google+!

There are 7 new ways YOU can view my blog. Some are more confusing that others, some you wont see as many photos at first, but they can all be customized by you, the reader! Super sweet! I'll keep it like this, but let me know what you think. Which view do you like best? Or do you like it the old traditional way? Personally I like Mosiac. Magazine is cool too and so is Flip Card but Mosiac is just niiiiiice.

Either way, hope you're having a great week and an awesome day!

Talk soon,
-marc

Life Lessons and Tiredness

Ballons provide excellent opportunities to teach life lessons to children. What?! Life lessons? Keep reading if you dare...

This has happened twice now, to Miss Z. She has had some ballons and neglected to hold on to them regardless of mom and dad telling her she won't have them any more if she lets go. I don't know if she gets it or not, but the tears don't last too long and I always say "if you want something, you gotta hold on to it!" Wow... cheesey and totally "parent" but hey, that's me!

I snapped this shot last weekend at one of the birthday parties we were at as Z's ballons slowly floated into the sky.

Since then Stacey and I have been more tired than I can ever remember. With her going back to work (she just completed her first full week this week) and the transition and adjustment of handling the kids there just aren't enough hours in the day to sleep! I grabbed one nap this week, but only for an hour and Stacey got to sleep in today! (Tomorrow is my day to sleep in, but I have a shoot at 10:30 so we'll see how that goes) MAN we are tired. Tired tired tired. Having two kids, two full time jobs, and somewhat of a social life really takes it out of ya!

But never too tired to blog. Love y'all.

Have a good one.
-marc

New Header!

Check out the new header, yeah? Waddya think? I'm lookin' pretty good, huh? Don't mind that gorgeous baby in my lap, look at the lighting, and photoshop work done on that image. True genius. Yeah yeah, her tutu is super cute, but look at the placement of the bottles! I know, I know, her eyes are the prettiest eyes next to her mother's, I know... but look at the saturation and additional grain on the photo - great technique!

Oh yeah, the baby is cute too. ;)

She's sleeping. So I have a second. And yes, adding a new header is blog worthy.

Peace,
-marc

Werkin' Hard ... Blog?

The gaps between blogs gets longer and longer.  I've seen this before.  I've been here many times.  With so many things in my life.

I get fired up.  I'm excited!  Without setting a goal to do something everyday, because in my 25 years of existence I've already figured out that doesn't work, I silently vow to blog as much as possible.  And it goes great for a couple weeks, maybe even months.  But then a decline becomes apparent.

Why does this happen?  You avid bloggers - how do you do it?  Especially those of you who blog every day.  What inspires you to record life in the form of electronic words and pictures?  What keeps you coming back to post information about your families life to strangers?

Sometimes I don't WANT to tell you what I'm thinking.  Sometimes I don't want to let you know what Zoe is doing.  Sometimes I don't want to show you what we're up to.  I treasure our privacy, and cherish certain moments that just shouldn't be shared with the world.  Sometimes I feel if I blog it will be fake, only to appease those who want constant updated content.  Like I have to make something up like ... uh ... oh I dunno, I did the laundry today.

I will always have this blog.  How often I blog - that's another question.  If you go back through the archives you will see there are spurts of blogging a lot ... and then I'm gone for a couple months.  But I'll always be back.  I'll always allow you a little glimpse into our lives, whether I know you or not. 

Have a good one!
-marc