I'm coming up on 7 months without a puff or a sip. And in 7 months my life has changed dramatically. For the better. But also for the crazier.
Right now I have so much on my plate. From family, to work, to relationships to my sobriety.
My wife and I decided to get pregnant, and before we knew it - we were. After many pregnancy tests and weeks if not months of "are we? or are we not?" a faint line showed up on a test and we celebrated. Due to the holidays we couldn't get to a doctor and almost a week after our joy and excitement had started to settle in, Stacey started to bleed. Not a lot, but enough for concern. And after a day, and a night when it got worse, we went to the E.R. to hear that she was having a miscarriage. Distraught and emotional, we waited days until we could get to her OBGYN. Upon meeting with him, he told us that he could not diagnose what the doctor at the ER told us, and he needed to do tests on my wife's blood. So we took it, he gave us the levels, told us to come back and do the test again and see if they (the HCG levels) went up. Today, we got word that they indeed did go up but not as much as he would like to see. More tests are needed. We're in a state of limbo. "Are we? Are we not?" Again. We thought we were, we thought we weren't, we thought we might be, now we're not sure what to think.
My wife lay sleeping in the next room, finally peaceful from an emotional day and I see her there sleeping and I'm scared. I'm scared for that little embryo inside of her, I'm scared for her, and I'm scared for our little family. If nothing comes to fruition than we'll try again - but this has taken a tole on us. Luckily, I'm not using and can handle the trauma, but it's tough. It's hard to be strong. It's hard to constantly hear about it and not know whether to be excited, to be mournful, to be hopeful or to be joyful. It is out of our control...completely. And I've been in this situation before - with my mom - to not know. To expect the worse but be playing the waiting game for test results and to be helpless.
While this is going on the biggest gig of my career lay on my computer, awaiting a ever pending deadline. I got a call today, moments before my wife called to tell me the doctor reported her HCG levels went up, that the deadline is being pushed forward to less than 2 weeks from today. I was already pushing it to complete everything on time and now they've changed the name of their college completely, need new logos, new type, new banners, new graphics and everything has to be rebranded on top of everything else that needs to be completed.
The most valuable lesson I learned in my short stint at college was to say "yes", and to convince the client that I have it all under control. That's what they're paying me for, and that's what I've done. But looking at the tasks that lay before me is daunting.
Right now I have so much on my plate. From family, to work, to relationships to my sobriety.
My wife and I decided to get pregnant, and before we knew it - we were. After many pregnancy tests and weeks if not months of "are we? or are we not?" a faint line showed up on a test and we celebrated. Due to the holidays we couldn't get to a doctor and almost a week after our joy and excitement had started to settle in, Stacey started to bleed. Not a lot, but enough for concern. And after a day, and a night when it got worse, we went to the E.R. to hear that she was having a miscarriage. Distraught and emotional, we waited days until we could get to her OBGYN. Upon meeting with him, he told us that he could not diagnose what the doctor at the ER told us, and he needed to do tests on my wife's blood. So we took it, he gave us the levels, told us to come back and do the test again and see if they (the HCG levels) went up. Today, we got word that they indeed did go up but not as much as he would like to see. More tests are needed. We're in a state of limbo. "Are we? Are we not?" Again. We thought we were, we thought we weren't, we thought we might be, now we're not sure what to think.
My wife lay sleeping in the next room, finally peaceful from an emotional day and I see her there sleeping and I'm scared. I'm scared for that little embryo inside of her, I'm scared for her, and I'm scared for our little family. If nothing comes to fruition than we'll try again - but this has taken a tole on us. Luckily, I'm not using and can handle the trauma, but it's tough. It's hard to be strong. It's hard to constantly hear about it and not know whether to be excited, to be mournful, to be hopeful or to be joyful. It is out of our control...completely. And I've been in this situation before - with my mom - to not know. To expect the worse but be playing the waiting game for test results and to be helpless.
While this is going on the biggest gig of my career lay on my computer, awaiting a ever pending deadline. I got a call today, moments before my wife called to tell me the doctor reported her HCG levels went up, that the deadline is being pushed forward to less than 2 weeks from today. I was already pushing it to complete everything on time and now they've changed the name of their college completely, need new logos, new type, new banners, new graphics and everything has to be rebranded on top of everything else that needs to be completed.
The most valuable lesson I learned in my short stint at college was to say "yes", and to convince the client that I have it all under control. That's what they're paying me for, and that's what I've done. But looking at the tasks that lay before me is daunting.
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