My mom died 4 years ago today.

When people write they say you should always have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Usually when I write I don't have an end in mind ... much like today. Today marks the 4 year "anniversary" of my mother's death. She died August 25th, 2005 of ovarian cancer and none of us saw it coming.

It's not any easier today than it was 4 years ago.

I thought I could sit down and write a blog post without crying ... but I didn't even make it to the third paragraph. I want to write something...something beautiful about my mom. I want to remember her in a way that would make her proud. I want people to appreciate their moms and love being alive, because some people aren't so lucky.

My mom was a perfect lady. Granted, probably not, but through my eyes, she was. She was a good Christian woman who loved her family more than herself. She walked every day ... she even completed a marathon! She was healthy, happy, and full of life. She worked hard, played hard and lived hard. Everyone loved her, from the ladies at church to the neighbors down the street. She was amazing and taught our entire family how to love one another. There was no reason she should have been taken from this world so early. NO reason. But she was.

I wish she was here to see the birth of our child. I wish she could've met Stacey and Blake's new wife, Kacee. She wanted more than anything for us to find good woman to marry and she'd be tickled pink that all of her sons are now married. And the fact that she'd be a grandma soon would've thrilled her to no end. She would've loved being a Grandma.

But like we all have learned in my family the past 4 years, there are a lot of things that just won't ever happen. She wasn't at our weddings, she won't see the birth of our kids, she won't be at Christmas anymore, and we'll never get to eat her meatloaf ever again.

As one life exits the world, another comes into it. And I'm learning that more and more every day. While the world isn't fair - it is at the same time. People have to go to make room for more people. But who the world chooses to take is completely and totally random.

I keep writing, like if it's going to make sense if I do ... but it won't drag it out anymore than it has to. It never will make sense and my mom will never come back.